Never A Replacement
by A Raggedy Madman
Summary: (Doctor Who AU) With the recent loss of his best friends Amy and Rory Williams, the Doctor is struggling to move on, and doubts he will ever be happy again, that is until he bumps into a young woman named Clara Oswald, who changes his life once again forever. Not only that, but it seems there is more to the death of his friends then he first realised, and someone is seeking revenge
1. Goodbye Old friend

** Chapter 1 :Goodbye old friend**

A tear rolled down the Doctors cheek, leaving a warm wet trail in its wake, as he studied the joint grave that stood before him. He absentmindedly let his fingers trail through the engravings of the names that were carved upon the stonework.

_In loving memory of_

_Rory Arthur Williams_

_And his loving Wife_

_Amelia Williams_

He let his hand drop limply back across his lap as he sat cross legged to the side of his best friend's final resting place, his sniffed loudly before raising his fist to wipe his eyes.

''Argh…see Pond; look what you've made me do now. If only you could see your raggedy man now. Pathetic aren't I…'' The Doctor closed his eyes as he imagined her beside him now, telling him off as she always had done before whenever he annoyed her. He imagined her laughing at one of his jokes, or at Rory's clumsiness, or taking charge whenever she felt she needed too. That had been the way since they had become childhood friends, and now 6 months ago everything had changed for the worse.

The Doctor felt his heart grow heavy in his chest, as he closed his weary eyes; the quietness of the graveyard helped him think, as he listened to the light buzz of insects flying past as the wind rustling the leaves that lay around him. He thought back to that day, the day his world fell apart and his heart broke for the first time, but not for the last. Quickly he shook his head, he knew he had spent too long dwelling on what happened, rather than living in the land of the living, but he couldn't help it, when his best friends had died, a great part of him had died with them.

He had spent too long hidden away in his flat and in the weeks that followed he had rarely gone out safe for the fact of going to the funeral, but apart from that, 6 months ago he hadn't been able to face the rest of the world. 6 months ago he had made the decision to turn his back on the rest of the world and hide away in his flat. 5 months ago he was falling apart, his boss had been kind for the first two weeks when he didn't turn up for work, but had decided to let him go in the end. He couldn't stop crying , and wanted to ring up the only people who could make everything ok, before he remembered that Amelia and Rory wouldn't be answering ever again. 4 months ago, his marriage to..._her_… had suffered also and she had simply disappeared in the night, and he resorted to listening to their mobile phones voicemails to hear their voices again. 3 months ago, he was basically living on tinned food or nothing at all as he couldn't face living without his friends anymore, and realised his health was suffering massively, having lost weight and his skin looked thin and grey, he realised he needed help to move on.

2 months ago, he had found a councillor who had made him see the point in living again, it had taken a lot of courage for him to decide he wanted someone else to help him, but he was getting back on track.

1 month ago, he had started smiling and laughing again, his health returning to normal, and that old sparkle returning to his eyes as he finally answered the phone calls from his other friends, and met up with them once again. He'd even started visiting the Williams grave every day to pay his respect, as he begun to live in the real world again, back down from that lonely imaginary cloud he had retired upon. His mind felt clearer and his heart slightly happier if still slightly empty, but eventually time would help him heal.

He opened his eyes sighing, of course life would never be the same without them, but he couldn't give up now, what would Amelia have said. "Don't you dare wimp out on me now Raggedy Man, don't you dare" The Doctor's lips curled into a smile as he patted the top of the grave.

"I hear you Amy, I hear you old friend, and I promise not to do anything like that again, I've even got myself a new job too, much better then that call centre job anyway. I'll have to remind myself _not _to listen to Craig's advice again, there's only so much that can go wrong" He chuckled lightly before lowering his gaze as he looked at the tidy arrangement of flowers that proudly paid respect at the base of their grave. _Oh Brian. _The Doctor sighed lightly as he thought about how much Rory's father must be hurting too, a flash of guilt raided through the Doctor's mind as he realised that he hadn't actually spoken to him since the funeral. Well now he would change that, he knew Brian would be hurting just as much as he was, but least they would have each other to keep the memory of his friends alive.

And that was the most important thing that they would need to do.

He stood up slowly from the wet grass, "Goodbye old friend, I'll see you tomorrow Ponds, and bore you with how everything goes" he whispered as he touched his first two fingers to the gravestone, as he walked away without giving the grave a backward glance, like he always did. He knew if he stopped to look at it, it would hurt even more so to leave, and he knew he couldn't do that. Not today, not if he wanted to live his life like Amy would have wanted, plus he knew deep down they were watching out for him and that gave him comfort.

Plus maybe now, he would manage to read that letter they had left him two days before the..._accident… _he needed to know what could possibly have been said in one last letter.


	2. Brian

**Brian**

The Doctor pulled nervously at his bowtie as he stood mentally debating with himself, whether to knock at the front door before him. A few beads of sweat lined his forehead, not due to the vast physical exercise he had just accomplished walking to where he needed to go, but rather because he wasn't sure he was going to like the exchange that was bound to occur, if he was to go through with this.

However before he was given the chance to decide, the door opened slowly and the small figure that was Brian Williams peered out at him.

''Finally decided to show your face then'' Brian said calmly looking up at the Doctor with pained eyes, the loss he had dealt with all too apparent to see in those lost orbs. The Doctor wondered if that was what people saw when they looked at him, before dismissing the thought as Brian opened the door wider and went back inside the house. Without hesitation the Doctor followed following Brian into the living room , but not before he noticed how everything was so..._clean…_clearly where the Doctor had failed to be bothered to do anything, Brian had managed to keep his mind occupied so that he didn't live in the fact his only child was dead.

The Doctor winced as Brian's calm manner and behaviour made him feel even more guilty, there he was locking himself away and yet here was Brian living on as normal as he could, it send his stomach into knots and bile rising in his throat, how could he have been that selfish when others were hurting at the loss too.

''I'll brew us some tea shall I?'' Brian's quiet voice broke the Doctor out of his daydream as he nodded sitting down on the sofa, turning his attention to the muted TV that Brian had left on, as Brian busied away in the kitchen. _Love Your Garden._ He smiled wryly, clearly some things never changed, and in a way, that was good.

His eyes flickered over to the photo frames that rested on the mantel piece, and once again his heart panged with sadness, the last photo that was ever taken of him, Brian and the Ponds, only a week before the car crash. He stood up picking it up to study, as another tear threatened to spill down his cheek, he hadn't managed to print another copy of that one and it was weird to think that a week later so much had changed.

''That's a good one of us all, I'm glad that we managed one last group photo' Brian's voice broke out behind him, gentle and kind as he lowered the tea tray onto the coffee table.

'188 days…doesn't time fly when your alone with your thoughts' He sighed sitting down on the arm chair opposite where the Doctor had said, repeating a quote he had said what seemed long ago, when he had spent two weeks watching his plants grow and bloom inside his shed. The Doctor smiled lightly nodding though he knew that Brian would have felt each and every one of those days just as much as he had.

''Brian…I'm sorry, I'm sorry I haven't been…'' The Doctor started to say, his voice low and childlike as he kept his gaze down unable to look at his dead friends father.

Brian shook his head and reached forward to touch the Doctor's hand squeezing it reassuringly as he smiled lightly, though the smile never quite reached his eyes.

''They were your best friends Doctor, I would have been offended if you did anything less than grieve as I have done, everyone needs their own space to deal with a loss, I know how much they meant to you, and as long as you're here now, that's all that matters'' He smiled sincerely this time as he moved back to take his tea and saucer.

The Doctor did likewise and smiled lightly, he always liked Brian, purely because he was one of these adults that never lost his temper and always kept his calm, and even when he was anxious or afraid, he never showed it and always saw the best in others. ''Thanks Brian, it means a lot….It just hasn't felt right doing anything without them here…. For a while I didn't see the point anymore, but then if we're not here…whose going to keep the memory of them alive'' He studied the liquid inside the cup, noting his hands were shaking a little as he spoke.

''I couldn't have said it better myself, as long as their remembered then that's all we can hope for.' Brian paused for a moment studying his silent programme, before he asked

'Doctor…are you coping alright, you don't look like…well you. If your struggling or you need help…I am here you know'

The Doctor looked up to meet Brian's eyes both overwhelmed and puzzled at the same

time; he looked down at his hands frowning lightly. He thought he was back to his old self, physically he meant, he was still not 100% emotionally there but he was getting to it.

''Me…?...No…no I'm fine as can be expected, I mean I'm eating properly and going out again, I finish with my councillor next week, start a new job that Kate helped me find….do I look that bad?'' He looked back up to meet Brian's eyes again a slightly worried note in his voice.

Brian smiled sympathetically before shaking his head ''No...Not bad… just tired looking, a little thin perhaps, but River did tell me what had been going on…'

_River..._The name made the Doctors hands shake worse, causing him to spill most of his tea on his lap, he winced as the hot liquid soaked through his trousers, and stood upright brushing himself off, he felt his heart pang for the wife who had left him with no reason, the wife who turned out to have told Brian everything he was going through when she was supposed to have gone.

'She…she told you' His voice was low but held a slight anger note to it.

''She was worried, we all were'' Brian replied standing up and pulling a cloth from the back of a chair and handing it to him, which he took hurriedly.

''Is that before she decided to leave me then, or did she tell you that as well…WE…WHOSE WE...Oh ho...all them worried phone calls from Vastra, jenny, Donna , Craig…Kate...they were all laughing behind my back as they knew my wife was going to leave me, laugh at the Doctor throwing his life away ALMOST STARVE HIMSELF TO DEATH….' He heard himself shout the last bit, before he drained the last dregs of the cup and sat back down, pulling an apologetic face ''Sorry, I shouldn't have shouted…it's not your fault she went, I guess I shouldn't have taken it out on her either'' He kept his voice quiet as he looked back to Brian, who walked over and hugged him tightly.

'

'We didn't know until a couple of days later when she left Vastra a message, that's when we knew how much worse a state you would be in, we tried to go to your house, but you never answered, we care Doctor because you've done so much for everyone in the past, now it was our turn to care for you…and we failed, but in the end you sorted yourself out, and now we can make it up to you, by being there for you again. Only if you promise to let us…ok?' 'Brian said pulling away as he looked up to him with shining eyes, he no longer had a son to give advice to, but at the moment the Doctor was the closest thing he had.


	3. Loving Isn't Knowing

**Loving isn't Knowing**

The Doctor had listened and talked with Brian for a few more hours, smiling and laughing as they shared stories of his son and his best friends, no more was brought up of River's disappearance act in the night, or the fact that his friends were trying to look out for him when he needed it. The Doctor did however wonder about the letter Amy had left him two days before, wondering if he should open it and share with Brian what might be inside, though his gut instinct told him to keep it to himself, especially as it seemed he was the only one who believed the Ponds car crash wasn't an accident, as his mind wandered back to a conversation earlier in the evening with Brian.

''And here was me worrying about them catching some kind of tropical disease when they decided to travel with you to Peru or whatever exotic place you wanted to travel to this month, in the end who knew it would be a simple accident a mile from their own home''

''_Incident…_ it wasn't an accident, they'd never have been that careless'' The Doctor had said simply as Brian sighed and shook his head.

''Look Doctor, we know you feel guilty as it was your car they were driving, and it should have been you to collect those materials they wanted, but the police found nothing suspicious it was a tragic and simple accident. Your car was in top condition, they weren't speeding, so it was just an accident, please drop it. We can't keep living in the past of ifs or buts, stop blaming yourself or trying to find anyone else to blame ok..'' Brian hadn't said it harshly but the calmness of how he had said it made the Doctor stop talking.

Now as he walked back to his flat, holding onto the box of Amy's first possessions hugging them close to his chest, he sighed lightly. Maybe it was just him, maybe it had been an accident, the car had recently passed an MOT test so it was completely fine, and Rory had been found in the drivers seat, and the Doctor knew he was a slow driver. So he knew that it wouldn't have been his fault, but maybe an animal had run in front of them in the road, maybe they'd swerved to avoid it, and that's why they ended up crashing into that angel monument round the corner of the next village. He shook his head lightly, Brian was right whatever had happened had happened, and he couldn't bring them back even if he knew what happened, plus there was far more important memories he wanted to keep alive, and the crash wasn't one of them.

He unlocked his way into his flat flicking on the lights and setting down the box, smiling at the little raggedy doll Amy had made of him when she was younger, among other things that was the one thing he was glad to have to remind himself of her. He decided he would look through the rest later, first he wanted a look at that letter. He moved his way into the kitchen ignoring the mess of the rest of his living room, he'd got halfway to doing it but he'd made Brian a top priority on his to do list, so the other half could wait, and poured himself some water from the tap. He was grateful his hands had stopped shaking as he pushed his wife from his mind, he'd been sleeping in the spare room for the last couple of months, not able to clear or chuck her stuff out in case she decided to make a reappearance as she often did in one of her disappearing acts. God he loved that woman, but he didn't know where he stood with her this time. He knew that one of the things in there was that blue diary he had given her on their first date, he'd never looked inside it, and all the time he'd been alone with it now he still hadn't done. There were too many of her secrets wrapped in that curly haired head of hers, and maybe it should stay that he shouldn't know, maybe the part of him loving her was loving isn't knowing what was written inside. He just said that as another excuse to stay out of their bedroom, but there was another part of him that wondered if he loved her anymore, maybe he should be moving on…

He sighed and leant on the side of the kitchen counter taking Amy's letter out of his pocket, smiling at her feminine scrawl as he slid it out and unfolded it to read.

_**Hello Old friend, **_

_**and here I am on what will probably be the last letter I ever send you. God please don't make me do this again, I can feel my hand already beginning to cramp, but anyway. Oh Raggedy man, all my years I have known you and you think I don't know when you lie to me, Rule One remember. I can see it in those sad green eyes of yours, she is making you unhappy, why can't you just admit that. I love River as a friend, but its clear she is using you and you don't deserve that. I know you love her, and I'm taking the coward's way out to tell you this, but every time she leaves to further her career, she takes a part of your heart with her.**_

_**I don't know why I suddenly felt to write this to you now, but I feel like something is coming, something bad, I've told Rory but the silly idiot says I'm paranoid. I think someone's watching us, and I'm scared, but my dear dear Doctor, always know that the little girl you found in that playground, and stopped her crying over her grazed knee, and became her best friend is incredibly grateful, and I always will be. I love you my madman, as much as Rory, he loves you too you know though he won't admit it. **_

_**I remember you saying very wisely that we are all just stories in the end, so make it a good one. Keep my story alive Doctor if anything happens, because it has been brilliant and I'm glad you and Rory were the ones I got to share it with. Also, let Brian know how much we love him, and tell him that well he'll know. **_

_**Always your Amelia Pond xx **_

The Doctor found himself crying as he reached the last x, choking back the tears until he felt a hand touch his shoulder and a soft voice whisper.

"Hey...come on Doctor ' Kate Stewarts voice reached him, bringing him out of his tears as she took the letter from him "Pub..now, and I'm not having no as an answer" She told him sternly, but the worried expression on her face let him know she had read that letter, and as he wiped his tears stuffing the letter back into his pocket, he knew that he had been right. If Amy had predicted her oncoming death, than something was amiss, but he needed a break and his head clear to sort, and so he went with Kate to their local, not talking on the way as she drove, but letting the letter playback through his mind.

Someone had been watching them, but the question, was who?


	4. Clara Who?

**Clara Who? **

The Doctor shut the car door as he looked up to the 'Rose & Crown' pub smiling lightly out of the corner of his mouth as he talked to Kate as she came up behind him locking the doors.

"So…do you make a habit of walking into people's houses or am I just special"

Kate chuckled lightly swatting his arm "Only when their door is wide open, and the madman ignores your calls from 3 streets away so I end up looking like an idiot. Or when they need a friend" She said the last bit quietly, though she wanted the Doctor to hear. He smiled lightly nodding as if chewing over a thought.

"I'm fine, it just 'he leant back on her car for a moment '…it just took me by surprise… but now I know.. I was right all along." He sighed shuffling a foot on the pavement , as Kate sighed and rested an arm on his.

"I know, and I'm sorry none of us believed you….but maybe this is better that we keep it too ourselves, I'll help you if you want to find out what Amy was talking about, but for now…That letter, and its contents stay between us. Ok.. " Kate kept her voice cool as she looked at him, The Doctor nodded in response, he had always trusted Kate as much as he had trusted Amy, and in the past Kate had always gone with his mad schemes when Amy hadn't been able to.

"Deal" He nodded as Kate walked on to the doors spinning round to smile softly at him.

"Well, are you coming or not….you know the others will be waiting" The Doctor chuckled as he walked in behind Kate, and sure enough everyone was inside waiting, well almost everyone.

"Where's Donna?… "He asked curiously as he looked around the table to Craig, Osgood, Vastra, Jenny, Strax, 'Captain' Jack, and Sarah Jane Smith as he and Kate seated themselves down.

"Well a hello to you too Doctor' Vastra smiled crookedly as she and her wife held hands on top of the table 'Where do you think she is,…running late as usual. She's probably forgotten she was supposed to me meeting us tonight. You know what her memories like"

The Doctor shook his head chuckling lightly "Just don't let her ever hear you say that about her though' He let his eyes flicker over to Osgood smiling at her warmly 'Loving the scarf Osgood" He beamed his most charming smile, the one that made her dive into her pocket and take out her inhaler as her cheeks blushed red. Osgood avoided looking at him as he moved his gaze onto Jenny 'Looking as lovely as ever Jenny" He winked to her and kissed her free hand cheekily, which she slapped it away pulling a crooked smile.

"Ol get off ya daft beggar" Her loud cockney accent impossible to mistake, as she rolled her eyes and tutted, whilst Vastra too didn't look impressed, the Doctor just gave her an innocent look as Craig nudged him from the other side of him.

"Daft yes, but looking slightly skinny eh mate" Everyone stopped to look at the Doctor as Craig fumbled "I umm well good healthy I mean…not bad.."

The Doctor rolled his eyes, so everyone was still on broken egg shells talking to him about the last few months, of course he knew he had looked awful a couple of months ago, but he had realised that himself and had turned it around, now they were making him look like he had some sort of problem. "Oh right, coming from you Mr Sofa man" The Doctor reached over and poked Craig's stomach, which set everyone off laughing again, as Kate lightly kicked the Doctor under the table.

"I'm just going to get another round in…Doctor do you mind helping me" Kate gave him a look to say that he was overdoing it, he knew it himself. He was trying too hard to settle in, hence the flirting with Jenny and Osgood, so he nodded and stood up moving over to the bar where he whispered to Kate as she ordered drinks.

"Sorry, that was a little bit obvious wasn't it' he scratched his chin looking back slyly at the table

"Only slightly, but at least your trying, and to be honest it wasn't that far off from your usual behaviour" Kate whispered back as she handed him his usual soft drink.

"Maybe I should have flirted with Jack, he'd have loved that" The Doctor smiled sipping his drink with a crafty look to Jack, unsurprisingly finding him looking at him.

Kate laughed "I rather think he'd enjoy anything flirting with him, and I mean _anything" _She shook her as she took over the first drinks whilst the Doctor stayed at the bar, he was smiling to himself when he heard it.

A laugh that was almost musical coming just from the other side of the bar. It had been a long time since he'd heard a laugh like that, curious he moved round to see who it was, a small brunette woman was sharing a drink with a friend, he could see her face. Soft brown eyes that almost sparkled and shone, a smile that made his heart leap as he studied her. Suddenly her eyes looked up to meet his, she smiled wider and giggled again , and embarrassed he panicked and managed to walk straight into a shelf directly above the bar, flailing his arms as he fell backwards.

"Ow…ouch...'The Doctor clutched his head as he fell back onto the floor, he was glad that he was around the corner and that his friends hadn't seen him, he really didn't want that coming back on him every time they went into the 'Rose & Crown', and to further his embarrassment the pretty girl had seen and was now rushing over to him.

"Oh my stars, are you ok? ' She placed a cool soft hand on his forehead ,making the Doctor's heart feel like it had frozen for a moment as he held his breath, looking back into her eyes.

"I…I…umm, yeah…I'm fine, though I think its going to leave a bruise" The Doctor smiled sheepishly as she moved her hands down his face to check.

"What, that little mark, don't be silly, don't tell me a tough guy like you can't handle a little bump" She smirked lightly, as yet again his heart seemed to stop and his stomach felt like it had risen to his throat. Did she just…_flirt..._with him…?

"I was,…I was talking about my pride, but thanks for the concern " He grinned this time, as she dropped her hands and stood up, holding out one for him to take which he did and brushed himself off.

"Hmm, well maybe you've had a bit too many to drink Mr…" She folded her arms raising an eyebrow as he looked at her again, a face mixed with…._concern … _why would a stranger be concerned for him.

"Actually, I don't drink' he pointed to the orange juice he had thankfully left on the bar rather then manage to spill down his clothes. 'I don't actually like the taste of it" He smiled remembering the first time he had brought some with Amy and Rory on a picnic and had spat it out, when he realised he didn't like it.

"Well then, you really must be clumsy, your worse then the kids I've ever had to look after, and quite silly" She giggled shaking her head

"What's wrong with silly? He questioned looking to her worried

"Nothing, still talking to you aren't I?" The woman answered back, smiling widely, making the Doctor smile, as proper smile this time, not a forced or pretend one, but a real one. One of the very few he had managed since….

"What's your name?" He needed to know, he couldn't help it, even though he wanted to put those days of caring behind, she made him want to care.

"Clara" Clara answered back smiling lightly, but the Doctor barely heard as a big voice came knocking into him as a familiar red head nearly sent him flying again.

"Well would you look at that, OI big chin, come on I'm missing out on gossip here, stop gawping and come on, someone told me the wrong time no wonder I'm late." Donna gripped him by the arm dragging him back over to the table leaving Clara bewildered as she went back to her friends, who were starting to pack up and leave into the warm summer night.

"Donna!" The Doctor exclaimed both annoyed and irritated that she had just pulled him away from what had been the best conversation he'd had in a long time.

Vastra however was smiling as she leant forward "How refreshing to see you taking an interest again. Was she nice?"

The Doctor sighed and nodded "I was only speaking to her' He resisted the urge to say 'before I was stopped' as he looked to Donna who had already hoisted many shopping bags onto the table and was going on about something that had happened to a mate's mates mate.

"I bet you still made your usual impact though Doctor" Vastra smiled as she whispered lightly, eyes bright and almost fierce.

The Doctor sighed "No…none at all I told you those days are long gone, its just me, and that's how its going to stay"

Vastra chuckled lightly "You just can't help yourself" The Doctor frowned leaning further forward to stop Donna's voice from blocking out what Vastra was saying." It's always the same story, always beginning with the same two words."

"I didn't even manage to give her my name, before _motor mouth _here ruined it" He said the last bit of the sentence louder to make sure Donna heard, it earned him a steely glare. "She doesn't even have my name Doctor…hang on…what two words?"

"Doctor Who" A soft reply answered back, making him spin round as quickly as he could in his chair, suddenly noting that all eyes were on him and…Clara

-X-

The Doctor had made his excuses and left with Clara to talk privately outside, god if Donna heard any of what was being said, it would be in the Daily Mirror by tomorrow if she had her way.

"Why didn't you just leave with your friends, you didn't have to come back" The Doctor asked

Clara smiled and shrugged lightly "You intrigue me, and you have some weird friends, like the one who looks like a potato… its sort of cute"

"Ah Strax, yeah typical middle child, and can throw further then he can count I'm afraid" The Doctor smiled looking down at her, as she giggled again.

"Your funny….so who are you? Doctor…Doctor Who exactly" She looked up to him with her soft brown eyes, smiling widely. A sly grin appeared on his face as he answered her.

"Clara Who?"


	5. A Troubled Man

**A Troubled Man**

The Doctor and Clara had managed to speak for a few minutes before Donna came out with an apologetic Sarah Jane, whilst the fiery red head demanded that they both come in to join everyone at the table. Which they had no choice but to agree with as Donna practically linked arms with the pair of them and pulled them back in.

The Doctor grimaced lightly to Clara, but she simply shrugged happily as she sat down next to him waving awkwardly as Donna introduced everyone.

"I'm Donna, that's Osgood, Vastra and wife Jenny, Craig, Jack, Kate , Strax and Sarah Jane of course' Donna beamed before leaning back in her chair grinning 'And you must be one lucky girl to have caught his eyes.'

The Doctor frowned lightly noticing Clara squirm uncomfortably next to him "I ..well he was just interesting and cool to talk to"

Donna burst out laughing hand on her chest as she kept going for several minutes before gasping for breath, the Doctor shot Clara a look that said 'She's a little nuts' as Donna finally stopped' I-interesting…c-cool oh …please.. Don't …that's that's funny.. I bloody love you"

"And as you can see, our dear friend here has no manners" Vastra smiled kindly to Clara as Jack grabbed hold of Donna

"Yeah but she has a lot of everything else" Jack said with a voice tempting and seductive as Donna shoved a hand on his face

"Oh give over lover boy" Donna smiled as Jack moved back, before looking back at Clara.

"So, are you two going to go on a date or what, its been a long time since he's had any, especially since his wife left"

The Doctor curled his hands tightly on his lap, tight enough so they went white as he looked down to study them, someone had clearly kicked Donna under the table as she yelped and said"What…I forgot its supposed to be some sort of taboo subject...plus its not like she wouldn't have found out soon enough is it" Clara looked uncomfortable as Kate sighed and the others shook their heads sadly at Donna, whilst the Doctor stood up knocking his chair over leaving the pub through the nearest exit, before he would lose his fast rising temper he felt washing over him.

"A-are you ok…Doctor" Clara's soft voice came from behind him as he stepped out into the fresh air, letting it brush over him as he controlled his breathing. Her hand touched his shoulder, and his accidentally shrugged it off. "Oh…sorry…I know its not my business" Clara dropped her hand and went silent as the Doctor looked to her.

"No…its not your business.. Donna shouldn't have said that, but its true I have a wife, and I must be a rubbish husband so you're better off not knowing me." He said coldly, not looking at her he didn't mean it, but Donna had just ruined a perfect evening twice, he knew she didn't mean it and bless her he loved her as a friend, but bringing up River of all things was just too much.

"I…I…well I was only trying to see if you were alright…" Clara stammered shocked by the sudden change in him.

"Yes well, maybe you should forget me, I'd probably only get you killed anyway. Don't come looking for me, forget me. Is that understood" He kept his face grave as he walked away, his heart hurt at the rudeness as to how he said it to Clara, he had only just met her, but it was as if the two of them clicked. He liked her, he liked this new stranger and it hurt him to be so rude.

"What about that date…what about that guy you wanted me to meet" Clara asked holding her ground and calling out to him.

"Forget it, find someone who won't ruin your life. Goodnight" The Doctor called back not looking at her as he walked down the street head bowed down.

Clara made an attempt to go after him, but a hand held her back, surprised she gasped and looked round to see Vastra looking at her, her delicate face pinched in concern for her friend, as she looked at Clara.

" Don't ….you'll only make it worse" She frowned lightly as she released her grip, "Why would you go after him?...You only just met him, you don't owe him anything"

"I…I…'Clara seemed stuck for words as Vastra looked on none impressed

"It's true what Donna said, and I'm afraid he is hurting beyond pain right now, what ever you thought you could say to him to stop that from happening, well you can't, and don't stand there stammering that will get us no where. If you could also answer back in one word OK?."

"Why?.. "Clara asked rubbing her wrist lightly, surprised at the fierce woman's grip.

"Why?.. Lies are words, truth is singular and I need to know you're intentions are good, The Doctor does not need anyone else breaking his heart "Vastra glared at Clara holding her gaze like a predator to its prey.

"Why?…"Clara said again finding it difficult to play the one word game.

"He was so different, almost the man you were talking too before, kind, yes. Charming even, a true gentlemen and someone who would do anything to help those around him, but he suffered losses which hurt him. He lost friends that no one can replace, he prefers isolation now to stop pain's return, we are his friends to guide him through this, but the darkness remains in him still, if you must go after him then I will let you, but only if you promise that you will not do anything to upset him, is that understood?"

Clara nodded, her feeling to run after the Doctor overwhelming, she had noticed the sadness behind his eyes, but had been intrigued to find out who he really was, and although she was slightly sad at how he had acted to her, the reason was understandable and she had to get to know him "Yes"

Vastra studied her closely for a moment, before smiling lightly "Good, then Clara I think we shall get along just fine' She wrapped an arm round the petite brunette dragging her back inside the pub

"But...but I thought I was going to go and see if he was alright" Clara looked in the direction the Doctor had left but couldn't see him anymore as Vastra pulled her inside.

"That would be too easy for him to avoid you, no what you need is the people who know his routine like the back of our hands." Vastra smiled pulling Clara back to the table, as all of them welcomed her back, even a sheepish Donna as they began to help Clara with her task to help the Doctor.


	6. A Sad Man with a Box

A Sad man with a Box

_The smell of smoke made the Doctor cough and crinkle up his nostrils "Quickly, this way.." He darted his head around to the person who stood beside him, smoke swirled around them as the flames threatened to rise higher, and so he couldn't see the person's face though he kept a strong hold of their hand, pulling them higher and higher up the numerous flights of steps towards the fire exit on the rooftop. _

_He barged his way out, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the strong sunlight, coughing violently and heaving as much fresh air into his lungs as he could. He looked back at his companion to make sure she was alright, her eyes wide and terrified as he tried to reassure her. _

_The Doctor moved away from the exit door peering over the edge of the building, spectators had grown at the bottom, along with a fire engine and crew. He shouted as loud as he could waving his arms to attract their attention, as a few faces he recognised pointed up to them, he turned back round to the petite girl "We'll be fine, they'll rescue us in a minute, I promise" She didn't respond as she gripped his hand tighter, he gulped nervously as he looked back to the exit door seeing the orange flames dance its way up to the doors flicking out like a snakes tongue towards them. The floor beneath their feet groaned and whined uneasy, cracks began to appear twisting its way towards them as the couple huddled almost close together. It was not close enough, as the floor gave way beneath her feet, and she disappeared through the floor arms flailing back up to him, eyes wide in panic and brown hair billowing around her as her hand slipped from his grasp. His mind couldn't react as quickly as he wanted it too, and so he watched her fall to her death screaming her name all the way, as their rescue party came just that bit too late, watched the flames engulf her silent scream and steal her away from him. _

"_CLARA!"_

The Doctor sat up quickly in bed, beads of sweat making his hair cling to his forehead, he'd managed to get tangled in the duvet and his pillow was on the floor, the inside of his mouth was sore and when he put his tongue over the spot he tasted blood. Untangling himself he rubbed a hand over his tired face, the dream had shook him, one because it had seemed so real, so vivid that he had believed it to be real, it also disturbed him for the fact he was dreaming over some stranger that he had only met that night. He ruffled his hair up a pained expression on his face, why couldn't he just get back to normal, why did there have to be problems.

The Doctor had a shower, trying to wash away the thoughts of that petite brunette who still filled his mind with her soft brown eyes, and beautiful smile and musical lau… he shook his head, he had already blown it with her when he shouted at her, there was no going back now. Now he regretted that more than anything, he had really liked talking to her, even if it had only been for about an hour. That hour however had been the best hour of his life for….for ..well for over 6 months.

Today he felt different, today he dressed not in his usual tweed and blue or red bowtie, but found a purple jacket to slip over a dark purple waistcoat, with a new dark patterned bowtie. He smiled nodding his approval into the mirror, as he checked the post from the letterbox; a couple of bills nothing more. The Doctor decided to clean up the rest of his flat, seeing as he had the time before he started his new job the next day, he sat down sighing after he had finished. That had just been an excuse so he didn't think about the night before. He didn't want to think about that strange girl, that girl he had actually laughed and joked with, before he'd ruined it, The Doctor sighed rummaging through Amy's belongings smiling lightly as he held the objects close to his chest, before moving on to the next.

The Raggedy man doll of him, so precise from a child's sense of the world, apart from the exaggeration on the chin but otherwise a perfect likeness, as well as a doll of her, and a blue box they had both imagined. Bigger on the inside, and that took them on wild and amazing journeys. He smiled lightly as he dug his way through the many pictures of the three of them smiling and joking, though he felt his heart stop almost as he dug the last one out. Him, Amy, Rory and River. The Doctor noticed his hands shake lightly as he held the picture, tears making his vision blurry almost, he had forgotten about that picture being taken. His wife wrapping an arm round his waist, her head leant on his shoulder as she smiled smugly to the camera, it had been taken two months after the honeymoon, directly a year before the accident and her leaving. The Doctor couldn't understand how everything had been so perfect then, he had a beautiful wife of which he still had feelings for, he had two best friends who were very much in love and wanting to start a family. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he looked at the three people he loved more in the world who had all left him, the lonely sad man with only a box to remind him of the past.

Shaking his head he stood up taking the box and _that _ photo with it, locking it in the cupboard in the bedroom he never used anymore, the cupboard where he put everything bad. Bad in the sense they brought up bad memories, and bad that he couldn't forget about them unless he stored them away. Biting his lip then nodding his head in approval he opened his dark blue front door, painted white in the little windows near the top, and headed down to the library.

The Doctor loved spending time in his local library, for him especially in the last couple of months when he had bothered to leave his home, it had been his breath of fresh air, his own little sanction. Especially in the relief that he knew River never went to the Library, ever, he held a deep passion for books and spent most of his free time, even well before what happened, in that place. The Doctor deeply desired to have a library as big as this one whenever he could get round to it, science, history. You name it, he wanted to read it.

Inside he went down to his usual aisle, brushing his fingers lightly against the book covers humming lightly, it was only as he picked up ' Advanced Quantum Mechanics' finding a seat in a quiet corner, and pulling out his round glasses as he began to read, anything to put his mind off life outside that Library.

Within an hour he had finished the thick book, after his eyes had skimmed through the pages with almost inhuman speed. Amy used to say he'd miss most of the writing in the book, he couldn't help being able to read quickly, and plus not reading the last page as he did for every book did help…Sort of.

The Doctor left his seat deciding to choose a crime novel now, maybe that one he'd heard about Melanie Malone or something, detective in America, he really wanted to read that one before he remembered who recommended it. _River _. He knew he shouldn't let the thought of her put him off a book, but he was sort of done with anything to do with her, he just wanted her out of his head for at least one day. Sighing he put the 'Advanced Quantum Mechanics' book back on the shelf, going to move on when he heard a clatter behind him. Turning round The Doctor raised an eyebrow as he saw the very same book now lying on the ground, with a puzzled look 'he was sure he'd put it in properly', he picked it up moving to put it back on the shelf, before turning away again.

The same clatter made him turn around again as once more, the book lay opened directly where he had been standing. Picking it up slowly and frowning, The Doctor went to put it back through the bookshelf, but instead pushed the books aside, noting a pair of familiar brown eyes staring back at him, as well as that musical laugh making his heart thud madly against his chest.

"You?" He stuttered pushing the books away so he could peer at her through the shelf clearly, whilst she smiled and giggled more, pointing to herself rather proudly.

"Me… What you didn't think I was put off by some childish tantrum do you? I deal with that for a day job mate" Clara beamed reaching through to tap his nose as he stood there blinking and gawping as she walked round the corner and skipped to his side.

"But… how did you know I'd be here, why are you here?" The Doctor managed to say through the confusion written on his face.

"Well lets just say I had a little bit of help, and as to why… I told you Chinny.. You intrigue me" Clara moved closer looking up at him with a beaming smile "Plus, you still owe me that date"

The Doctor looked down at her what she said running through his mind. He felt heartened at the thought that it must have been his friends to have helped her, the thought she wanted to find him and wanted the help, and she still wanted that date even though he had been so cruel and… " Ol…Chinny?"

Clara beamed her brilliant white smile giggling further "You have a very nice big chin, so yes…Chinny. So…that date then "She put her hands on her hips showing how determined she was, and for once the Doctor stared bemused and speechless to her.

" Its not that big…..and you really are serious about the date aren't you…and I haven't even apologised" He blinked again still perplexed as his hand wondered over his chin absent minded.

Clara's face softened lightly and her eyes shone sadly "I know what its like to lose someone you love, it still hurts even though you think you're over it, but it still hurts, it wasn't your fault and plus you're still healing. So maybe, this mysterious Doctor…needs a Doctor" She beamed lightly placing a cool hand on top of his.

"Thank you….for being so …so…" The Doctor looked down almost embarrassed by how kind this girl was, and how understanding she had been. He also noted the sadness in her eyes as she talked about losing someone, it was more then apparent she had, and that made him feel a strong connection to her.

"Human?… Look… we all have our pasts and they all come back to haunt us at least once in our lifetimes, and I'm not saying you have to move on ever… Just don't let yourself rot away because of it, you have to deal with the cards life throws at you, and move on as best as you can" Clara had hesitated at first before smiling softly, eyes practically shining into his.

"Did you read that out of some womanly magazine, or are you that philosophical "The Doctor asked teasingly, the smiled crooked on his face as he flirted lightly.

"Oh I'm totally the wise woman of this street" Clara smiled lightly, biting her lip to cover up another fit of giggle that threatened to overcome her.

"I'm almost compelled to believe that" He smiled lightly , studying her face calmly before looking down at her hand on his, Clara looked down too as if suddenly realising her hand was still gripping his and quickly dropped it.

"Whoops, sorry..' She giggled nervously as she beamed her brilliant white smile 'Just.. Don't be alone, no one should ever be alone…if you think this would be a bad idea" She hung her arms by her side as she looked to him, eyes big and round.

The Doctor's mouth twitched lightly, there she was again trying to be all there for him she was so unlike the others, most had people to go back home too, and yet he was alone and they didn't fully understand, how could they. His other friends had never lost as much as he had over the years, had never had to stop looking back and move on pretending that nothing had happened, if Amy was here she'd understand she was good at that.

"Uh…let me just get my things…I left them over there' The Doctor moved back, face mixed with confusion, Clara was so persistent in wanting to get to know him, maybe, maybe it was time for him to move on again. He did like her for a start, and she clearly had taken to him, was there any harm in making a new friend?

So if that was the case, then why was he moving back to where he had sat for the last hour when he had nothing to pick up, he hadn't left anything behind and was just making an excuse to leave before she managed to persuade him into anything. Maybe it was his dream playing back through his mind, he didn't want another innocent person losing their life, or getting hurt because of him. He bit his lip thinking deeply 'Just tell her you're leaving, your not going out, leaving. Not going out' He nodded turning back round and giving her '5 minutes' and a thumbs up as she stood watching him flexing her fingers in a wave. He frowned as he turned back round. 'Idiot Doctor, five minutes where did that come from. You'

5 minutes later, having to come back empty handed and a sheepish look on his face, the Doctor returned to find the aisle empty. Puzzled for a brief moment, before he saw her standing outside waiting for him, Clara beamed again as he approached her "Get everything?"

"Uh yeah, just left a couple of things…." He tapped his pockets as if to conceal the fact he hadn't actually left a thing, not that Clara seemed to believe him.

"Alright then Clever boy, so would you like me to suggest a few places you can dazzle me or.." Clara started to tease him lightly but the Doctor wasn't listening, his eyes had caught a figure across the road watching them, he recognised the male just as Clara tugged on his jacket pulling his gaze away for a second. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm?' He looked round at her, before turning to find the man had disappeared, his stomach knotted uneasily, it was never a good thing to spot him, his old childhood friend turned nemesis. The Master. It sent shivers up his back to know he was watching him, he looked back round to Clara gripping her shoulder lightly "Stay here for me" He said calmly before he ran across the road, barely looking as a couple of cars honked in his direction, as he went to find out where The Master had gone, and what he wanted.

He'd already started off down a pathway that led towards a park, before a cheery voice next to him said "So …who are we after then?" The Doctor spun round to find Clara beside him

"OI, I thought I told you to stay there" He paused in his stride as he looked at her

"Oh, I didn't listen" Clara said smugly, as she continued on ahead as the Doctor followed a bemused smile on his lips

"You do that a lot" He stopped as Clara turned around grinning, her eyes shining mischievously

"Its why you like me" She bit her lip as she watched his expression

"Who said I like you?" The Doctor managed to ask just as Clara leant up and kissed his lips lightly

"I think, you just did" She grinned leaning back down as the Doctor stared flummoxed at her, opening and closing his mouth like a fish

"You kissed me" He looked down to her raising an eyebrow

"Well observed Clever boy, and you blushed, and we just.." She raised an eyebrow smirking as he looked down at her, before pulling at his bowtie awkwardly.

"Right well, I suppose…that thing can wait…would you like to come back to mine?" The Doctor paused, heart beating madly in his chest as she nodded, as she gripped his hand and pulled him.

"I thought you'd never ask" She grinned as he stumbled in her grip

"Hey I do the hand grabbing, that's my job. That's always me!" He protested lightly as she pulled him out of the park, only relenting when the Doctor had to show her the way to his flat, both of them unaware that they were very much still being watched by a man with revenge in his heart.

* * *

**Author's notes: Hey everyone sorry this one took so long for me to write, I hope you like it so far, especially the references to episodes, like the Doctor not liking wine (the Impossible Astronaut) Donna's memory (Sorry about that one) The Ponds death crashing into the stone angel monument (even sorrier about that one) And the Snowmen conversation between the Doctor and Vastra and the Doctor and Clara, I tried to change it a bit, with some lines the same just to fit them in. The next one will be up soon, with a lot more action and a lot of Whoufflé .Let me know what you think and please share so I can try and get more views xxx**


	7. Some Wednesday

Some Wednesday

The Doctor and Clara had made their way back to his flat, him secretly pleased he had cleaned up that morning as they stepped in through the dark blue door, she grinned turning around.

"Wow…it…it looks smaller outside" Clara nodded her approval as she sat down on the sofa, hands placed on her lap as The Doctor awkwardly stood in the middle of the room.

"Yeah I've noticed that too, but normally I say its …bigger on the inside…'He smiled briefly, before coughing nervously 'Would you like some tea…and biscuits?" The Doctor was trying his hardest to be the perfect host, but it had been ages since he'd had to do this.

Clara nodded up at him "That would be great thank you" She watched him walk into the kitchen, smiling as he started humming away with cupboards shutting randomly. Clara's eyes wandered around the room, settling on the photo frames that cluttered the shelf, The Doctor standing in between a young couple, a young women with fiery red hair, and a young bloke with a prominent nose all smiling all happy, but this must have been the couple Vastra and Kate had told her about last night. Amy and Rory. How the Doctor had suffered at their loss, how he was trying to move on with his life before other events had nearly stopped him doing so. They hadn't gone into specifics about what the Doctor had gone through, saying how it was his choice to tell her if he wanted too, and as his friends they would always respect his wishes.

Clara had moved along to the last picture, noting a curly haired women (well half of her face anyway) as the picture had been folded so only The Doctor and his two pals remained, 'So that must be his wife' Clara thought moving back with a sad smile. 'Pretty woman too, she really doesn't know what she's given up' She shook her head and just about seated back down when the Doctor came bustling back in, a impish smile on his face as he quite pleased with himself presented the tea tray in front of the petite brunette.

" Gosh, blimey… I hope you like Jammie Dodgers, didn't really have anything else to eat but I like them and well I didn't have anything else in actually' He paused looking embarrassed for a moment before his cheeky grin came back over his face 'Must remember to do a shop tomorrow though… I hope this is alright''

Clara beamed lightly to him, her cheeks blushing lightly which she didn't bother to hide as she took in the effort he had gone through. A delicate tea set, that clearly was only used in the rarest occasions, more then a handful of Jammy Dodgers and …wait….was that…fish fingers…in custard 'Clara though raising a bemused eyebrow before looking back to find the Doctor smiling eagerly at her like a child wanting to show their parent something.

"I call it fish custard, I know it's a little weird, but it tastes amazing" He grinned innocently reaching his hand out to it at the same time Clara had, fumbling as their hands brushed over each other and lingered on top of one another, before the Doctor pulled smiling sheepishly with an 'oh….sorry' as Clara's blush deepened further.

"Don't worry about it….' She smiled up to him as he handed her the pot, she nibbled delicately a look of determination that she wasn't going to like his fish custard on her face, before her eyes widened and her face softened 'oh….b-but that's…that's really good''

The Doctor looked pleased with himself as he helped himself to his fish custard "I know … not everyone thinks the same, you should hear what Donna has to say about it" He grinned as Clara laughed lightly

"Oh I bet she had a lot to say about it then" She grinned lightly relaxing into the back of the sofa, feeling as if she had known the Doctor all her life as they talked.

The Doctor laughed before coughing as he choked on the fish finger, luckily he recovered quickly as he composed himself, speaking with a slightly croaky voice "Yes…as a matter of fact she did…as well as she does for everything else I'm afraid"

Clara had watched with wide eyes, moving to slap his back before he'd quickly recovered, sighing lightly in relief and also trying to act all calm and cool as she leaned back again.

The Doctor smiled, eyes practically shining into hers as he leant forward to sip at his tea.

"But then again, Donna's not the one I want to talk about. I want to know about you.."

Clara smiled lightly eyes full of mischief as she grinned "Only if I hear about this mysterious Doctor.. Doctor Who?"

"Now that's a dangerous question" The Doctor answered unable to stop himself from grinning madly at this pretty brunette in front of him.

Clara smiled and leant in closer speaking quietly and almost seductively as she leant closer to him, keeping eye contact at all times "What's wrong with dangerous"

-X-

The young pair laughed and joked, and flirted heavily with each other for the next couple of hours. The Doctor finding out Clara's story, her wish to be a teacher but having to be a nanny to a friend just to cover her rent for each week, the story of growing up without a mum around her 15th year. To Clara finding out a little behind The Doctors past, she still didn't know his real name but she still felt completely safe and at ease around him, and though he told her about his love for music and history and his school life, in the end it felt like the pair had known each other for years. They felt completely safe around each other, relaxed even, and for once the Doctor had managed to forget everything that had gone wrong in his life so far, he had managed to smile and laugh and joke around with this…Impossible girl, when none of his friends who had known him for years had been able to. Eventually Clara looked at the clock on the wall, sighing lightly.

"I should be going" She looked unhappy as she said it, chewing her lip lightly as she looked to him.

"Oh right, yes yes of course " The Doctor sighed lightly "It can't be helped now…but you know I had fu…" He paused as Clara leant forward and slowly hesitantly at first.

"Oh shush you Clever boy.." She whispered so quietly she wasn't even sure if he would hear as she brushed her soft lips against his.

The Doctor blinked surprised for a few seconds, before he relented and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as the couple kissed each other softly and warily. The Doctor kept his hands by his side as they leant closer tentatively kissing lighter and lighter, Clara curled her hands in fists on her lap awkwardly and unsure what to do with them, her soft sweet breath mixing with his as they continued to kiss for what felt like minutes. As soon as they had started, Clara pulled away heavily blushing as she looked to him. The Doctor had opened his eyes, he desperately wanted her to stay but she had already given him way above what he had even expected to happen over the course of that current year, let alone that week.

"Sorry….that was probably too early…" Clara murmured lightly, clearly still heavily embarrassed as she avoided his eyes sheepishly, cheeks still flushing a light rose hue.

The Doctor took one hand and squeezed it reassuringly shaking his head so his floppy hair shook lightly. "Don't be daft,….that was probably my fault anyway… I might be a tiny rusty in some areas, I'll go have a glance at a manual" He winked lightly as Clara looked at him laughing and swatting his arm.

"You're just a big old dafty aren't you.." She smiled softly the pink glow still visible on her cheeks, but that only made the Doctor think about how even more beautiful she looked.

"Sure am kiddo" He beamed his daftest and cheekiest smile towards her, feeling like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. Clara smiled softly again, before her face fell apologetically.

"I really am sorry, I really do have to go…but maybe we could meet up soon…maybe next Wednesday or sooner if you want to.." Clara looked into his eyes hopefully as they both stood up, The Doctor walking her to the door as she assured him she could walk home perfectly fine on her own though he insisted.

"I'd love that…it's a date…or well not a date …but well.. "The Doctor's eyes widened as he stood flummoxed and panic as Clara laughed again, leaning up to kiss his chin.

"You silly madman,….lets call it a date" She gave him a soft wink before she left turning back to give him a small wave as she walked home. The Doctor had continued to stare at her until she could no longer be seen, a small excited feeling rose up through his body as he gave a little jig round the living room, flailing his arms with his own unique dance style of the drunk giraffe. Before collapsing happily onto his sofa staring up at the ceiling a wide happy smile on his face.

"it's a date Oswald…'He sighed lightly and contently as he couldn't believe his luck at finding someone to love again and be happy with…'Well that was some Wednesday" He murmured before he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**Author's Notes: Sorry this one took so long to upload, I was so excited to carry this on and just get the story going, I'm trying to fit in a lot of references with this story over time, and the occasional quote as you may have noticed. Also the chapters are named after soundtracks from the show as well. Please if you want to leave a review please do so I'd love to know what you think of it so far. The next one may take up until the end of August due to commitments unfortunately, but I'll be up with a new one soon, and I promise a whole lot more Whoufflé and also someones life at risk.. Until then.. x**


	8. Never Alone At Christmas

Never Alone At Christmas

6 months had passed since the Doctor and Clara had met, their friendship blossomed further and the two of them had become quite the cute couple as Donna quite often liked to remind them. Although nothing else apart from that kiss on the first night had happened again, ok so they occasionally held hands, but the Doctor had wanted to make sure that this time nothing went wrong with his relationship as they had so often done before. Sure several people had found him attractive and had told him so over the years, but he knew deep down they never would have worked, and eventually his gut instincts were right. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, the Doctor and Clara spent more of their time in the 'Rose and Crown' with his friends as well as Clara's now, they had taken to her warmly and accepted her as if she had always been there. More specifically, they were grateful to her for bringing their old Doctor back to them, hearing his laughter and seeing that barmy smile of his again. Gradually the Doctor pushed Amy's letter to the back of his mind, putting it in the cupboard with Amy's old things, clearing his bedroom out so no trace of River remained and moving back into his normal bed. His new job that Kate had found him was going well, a local curator in a museum, ok so it wasn't completely what he wanted to do, but he thought it was a nice place to work if he needed to retire someday, and a job was a job at the end of the day, and it did help pay the bills and fit in with his interests.

Right now they were yet again surrounded by those they loved and cared about in their usual pub. Even Martha and Mickey had turned up on a rare appearance from their many holidays abroad, arms wrapped around each other lovingly barely able to take their eyes off each other. The Doctor smiled lightly watching them for a moment, one of his gut feelings had most definitely been right. Not so many years ago, when he was on one break up with River, Martha had almost, but not quite confessed her feelings to him; now the Doctor had always considered Martha an attractive girl, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship and it had been too soon for him to move on. That was before Mickey had been introduce to her, and then well they had clicked almost at once, and the Doctor hadn't seen a closer couple since.

Clara was leaning her head on the Doctor's shoulders smiling kindly as Donna was gossiping about something that had happened to her at work.

"… And so Trisha loves Derek, but Derek's already going out with Sonya, but Sonya's having an affair with Trisha's boyfriend and…"

"Ah the sweet life of a temp aye Donna" Jenny chipped in as mostly everyone round the table had lost interest in what Donna had had to say.

Donna glared for a moment before sighing "Oh alright suppose you're right, but at least its not pretty boy over there swooning at Clara. Seriously there's an awful lot of swooning involved"

The Doctor looked down as Clara nuzzled her face on his shoulder, he felt his cheeks flush lightly as Donna took the fun out of the pair of them, yet again. A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he looked at his flame haired friend "Pretty boy….that's a new one Donna, is there something you want to say …Mate" He winked cheekily as Clara giggled into his shoulder.

Donna pouted and stared at him "Ooohh you ain't mating with me sunshine"

The Doctor and indeed rest of the table joined in laughing with him, as Donna folded her arms, staring at him. Vastra shook her head before looking over to Clara.

"So my dear, are you doing anything interesting this Christmas.. ?" Vastra smiled lightly as Clara lifted her head back up, holding onto the Doctor's hand lightly.

"I'm not really sure, maybe cook a meal with my family….it'll probably just be me, dad and Linda depending on what Chinny's doing …probably spend a bit of time at my mum's grave, might give her some nice flowers " Clara looked down eyebrows drawn a little together, at the thought of her mum not being at another Christmas, The Doctor squeezed her hand reassuringly, and she gave him a grateful look. "But anyway…. What is everyone else doing?"

She looked at each and everyone of them in turn and waited for them to answer

"Work unfortunately" Kate grimaced as Vastra and Jenny and Sarah Jane also agreed with this

"Just family time with Sophie and Alfie" Craig smiled almost dopily

"Spending time with Mickey" Martha smiled softly as Mickey leant forward to kiss her jaw line over and over, causing Clara to move on quickly out of embarrassment.

"LASER TAG" Strax barked loudly thumping the table with his fist and grinning, "Need to beat those kids.. HA-HA"

"Right…um.. Donna…Jack?" Clara moved on quickly as like always Strax gave a weird answer.

Jack flexed his muscles flashing his brilliant white smile " Oh you know, might flaunt myself out there…. All across town… Who knows where it'll end up… Might even manage the whole town.." Winked to Jenny who rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Me…I'm just going to spend it with my granddad…and mum of course" Donna sighed pouting as if she'd rather do anything but that

The Doctor sat up straighter beaming for a moment "Aw how is Wilf, I miss talking to him"

Donna smiled lightly "He's alright.. Still stargazing each night, thanks to you, but it does him the world of good, and even I know a thing or two now"

The Doctor beamed at her and gradually the night wore on, before they decided to part for the evening. Clara and the Doctor were going to head back to his flat, and so once they had said their goodbyes for the week, promising to exchange gifts on Christmas Eve a fortnight from then, and when Clara had all her winter garments on, the Doctor choosing to brave it out in just his regular jacket and waistcoat stepped out to his car.

He patted the dark blue bonnet affectionately dusting off the light sprinkle of snow that was once again falling from the skies. Beaming down at his personalised number plate that Clara had once laughed at 'T4RDI5' his sexy TARDIS as he called her. Trusty Automobile Rarely Driven In Style she had changed the meaning to, he had told her the real meaning behind it, but they had both then decided TARDIS just sounded nicer. The Doctor turned around rubbing his hands together looking back at Clara walking precariously across the ice and stamping her feet on the snow. Her cheeks were already starting to flush their rose colour as he chuckled.

"Need a hand? " He held out a hand moving towards her, as his breath came out in front of him like puffs of smoke

"I'm fine…just hate this weather…its too cold… and dangerous" She smiled skidding lightly until she found herself toppling into The Doctor's arms.

"Whoops…there we go…you ok love "He chuckled lightly steadying her, and brushing the ice particles that fluttered on her cheeks.

"I'm fine...thanks to you….Although…Doctor, back to what we were talking about in there.. We haven't actually discussed what we are going to do…" Clara looked up to him with soft brown eyes, blinking the snow that settled on her long eyelashes.

The Doctor nodded and swallowed for a moment, he didn't want to hurt Clara's feelings because he loved her so much, but he didn't know if he wanted to do anything this Christmas especially since.. "Well you know it's the first Christmas without …the Ponds… normally I'd go round there every year with Brian too.. But this is the first, and I didn't know whether to spend it alon…" He stopped as Clara pressed a gloved finger against his lips.

"No… you are not going to be alone at Christmas, no one should be alone at Christmas especially not you. Amy and Rory wouldn't want you to spend your Christmas wallowing away on your own. Spend it with your family, your friends, make sure their presence is still felt even though they cant be there in person. " She smiled up to him lightly as he blinked heartened at her words.

He parted his lips several times unable to find his voice before smirking lightly "Clara Oswald, I do believe you are too wise for your youth"

Clara did a little curtsey giggling before moving closer to kiss his lips " I was born in the wrong decade, everyone knows that " She smiled so her nose creased up as she leant to kiss his lips softly, just like they had on their first night together. He pressed his lips gently against hers so their lips moved gently in time against each others, he held her delicately close to him by her waist before a light cough stopped them from there own little moment. Looking up and regretfully pulling away from each other the Doctor and Clara turned round to spot Vastra wrapped up tightly in her usual clothes, smiling lightly at them.

"Just a warning, you may want to do that elsewhere before the ot…."

"BLIMEY look at the two of you…shouldn't you be getting a room" Donna's loud voice interrupted Vastra, as her flame haired head bobbed into view, as well as Kate's, Jenny's and Martha and Mickey's, as the others had already wandered off home by themselves.

The Doctor rolled his eyes staring down at Clara, who he found was staring up at him with a guilty look in her eyes biting her lip. Both felt as if they were young teenagers that had been caught out by an adult, and all the Doctor wanted was to leave to stop Clara getting embarrassed.

"We've already got one, but its nice of you to be concerned Donna…. I'll see you all soon then" He smiled giving Vastra a grateful look before helping Clara to the passenger car door, over the blanket of ice that threatened to topple her over, as half of the Doctors friends stood out still watching him as they made their way into the road.

The Doctor was just unlocking the door with Clara stood just behind him, when two car lights on the road ahead bared down on the two of them, blinding the couple for a moment, it was obvious the car was going at some speed and the Doctor raised an arm to shield his eyes

"What the…?" Blinking back the light from their eyes, the pair stared at the car assuming it to be some sort of careless driver who would just pass through the road and just drive past them, but less then 50 ft away the Doctor's eyes widened as he realised the car was careering down directly towards them. He made to push Clara out of harms way shouting to his friends that were still stood in front of the pub entrance to get back as the car came dangerously close. The car jerked left to right in the road as if fighting the icy tread against its tyres, as it still made its way straight for them. The Doctor pulled Clara across the road with him, but still it was as if the car was aiming directly for them, as it got to the last few feet the Doctor turned to Clara as she gave him a scared longing look, and made the impulse decision to push her out of the way at the last second.

Clara hit the ground with a thud, scraping her face against the cold ice as she heard the car screech past. She tasted blood as she bit her tongue on impact, feeling her arm knock hard against the hard surface as she lifted her head round to stare after the Doctor. She faintly heard the others by the pub screaming and gasping in horror, before she realised he hadn't moved out of the way beside her. Clara raised her head, pausing for a moment as the world around her spun for a few moments, before swimming back into focus. The car had sped on ahead engines roaring as it skidded round the next corner, its owner not bothered by what it had just caused as Clara stared after it. She stumbled shakily to her feet, feeling a warm trickle run down beside her eye, she touched it gently to find blood soaked her gloved fingers. Clara looked up from her hand shivering whether due to the cold air or shock from the incident, she winced as she moved her left arm deciding to hold it close to her chest as she turned around to where the Doctor and she had been standing before.

A loud piercing scream filled the air, and it took Clara a few seconds to realise it was coming from her as she saw the scene before her, the icy ground was covered in blood that seemed to stretch out more then was possible as it made its way towards her feet, but that wasn't what had made her scream, nor was it what made her now chose to run as best as she could to the man she loved that was sprawled on his back in the centre of the scene. Martha was already crouched beside the Doctor springing into her automatic Doctor mode of how she had been trained to do in an emergency, Clara was still screaming as she crashed down beside them staring at his bloody face.

"Doctor….DOCTOR….oh my stars…please be ok" She rushed out hysterically as she reached a slow hand to his blood matted hair, his eyes shut tight with no way of telling if he was breathing or not, after a moment of brushing his hair back and looking at him through blurred vision, she felt arms try to restrain her good one and calm her down as she tried to stay with him.

"Clara….Clara listen to me…its going to be alright… You need to let Martha see to him" Kate's voice whispered hurriedly in her ear as the others still stood beside the entrance to the 'Rose and Crown' horror and panic written across each of their faces. Vastra talking hurriedly into her mobile for an ambulance crew to arrive on the scene. Clara took a deep breath nodding back at Kate as she tearfully turned round to face the Doctor again. It broke her heart to see him so battered and in pain, a feeling of hope passed briefly in her stomach as the Doctor groaned and gripped his hands tightly into fists, before falling silent again. Martha did everything she could to make him as comfortable as possible, feeling his pulse as he went silent, before raising her hands and starting compressions on his chest as minutes passed, Clara raised her good hand to her mouth in a horrified gasp as she took in his left leg, bleeding heavily and angled in an impossible way. Crying silently unable to stop as Martha carried on with the rhythmic chest pumping to start his heart again. Only calming down as The Doctor gasped harshly choking in some air, moaning in agony as Martha tried to calm him.

"P-please tell me he'll be ok…don't let him die please" She cried harshly tears choking her as she turned away unable to listen to his moans of agony or the sight that lay before them. Martha gave Kate a desperate look as sirens filled the air from the distance, neither could give Clara the answer she wanted, as neither of them knew that he would indeed be ok.

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_**Author's Notes: Hey guys, sorry this chapter took a while to upload. I admit I was on holiday….sorry. But at least it gave me time to think about how I want this story to develop. I hope you liked the ending and it all fits in together as well as references to the Time of the Doctor where he ends up needing a walking stick, as his left leg gets damaged. The next chapter will be up as soon as possible and I'm sorry to say that it will get more emotional. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry. Is it bad to say enjoy the next chapter when it comes up… if not then enjoy and it will be up as soon as possible. **_


	9. I Remember You

**_I remember you _**

Soft brown haunted eyes stared back at her as Clara sat huddled in the back of the ambulance, teeth chattering grateful for the warmth against the bitter cold weather outside. Her reflection that mirrored in front of her showed her how badly she was taking this, she could see how deep her cut was on her forehead, blood slowly descending a creating a path of red destruction down her cheek. It was her eyes that shocked her the most, hazelnut orbs that housed and haunted face, big and scared. The paramedic had wrapped a blanket around her shoulders for the shock, as she sat huddled with the man she loved lying on the gurney only a few feet away. Drips were threaded into his body trying to stabilise his condition as the ambulance roared through the streets, siren blazing as it rushed to try and save the only man Clara had ever truly found herself in love with. Minutes felt like hours as she moved her eyes to look at his unconscious body, more blood seemed to seep from his leg then was being stopped, even though the paramedic kept reassuring her everything would be alright. 'How can you know that' she thought as the ambulance finally arrived at the hospital and the Doctor was pushed along the trolley into recess as a nurse tended to her even though she tried not to leave his side. 'How could you possibly know?'

Clara's head wound was cleaned up and her left arm bandaged against her chest in a sling. She was lucky she thought, she only had a tiny cut and a sprain to show for the evening incident, The Doctor however could be lying dead on a hospital bed for all she knew having got the worst of the injuries. Everything seemed to slow down for the petite brunette even as the nurses reassured her that everything was fine, and that she should get some rest. Nothing registered even as she lay down on her own bed and tried to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she was haunted with the memory of the car lights, the blood…the Doctor not breathing.. Instead she lay there in silence staring up at the ceiling, not moving or talking even as Vastra and Kate sat by her side.

"Clara…Clara everything's going to be ok…." Kate whispered lightly resting a hand on Clara's good hand trying to be reassuring.

"How….' Her tiny voice came out quiet to begin with, before every part of Clara suddenly became angry and she sat up right, head spinning for a moment before she glared, eyes almost crazy as she looked at the two women. "How can _any_ of you say that…how the hell do you know" Her angry words hung in the air, and Kate and Vastra looked at one another shocked. Clara had never lost her temper before, and so it shocked them deeply.

"Because,….as much as it may seem entirely impossible to you Miss Oswald…The Doctor is made of stern stuff…he will get through it…I know he will. Martha is with him now by his side, he just got out of surgery. And we only came here to see if you wanted to go see him…." Vastra said recovering and smirking lightly.

Clara stared at the two of them with wide eyes "He's…he's out…he's ok ?"

"The doctors will be able to tell more when he wakes up, although it looks like he'll need time to recover more then certain he'll need help to walk for a few months" Kate said simply standing up and brushing down her coat.

"I…I thought he was going to lose it for certain…there was so much blood….so much" Clara said whispering the last bit again as the memory stirred through her mind again.

"It seems fortune smiles upon those it favours… they managed to save it, though indeed a lot of blood was lost….fortunately he had the best care "Vastra smiled holding out her hand to help Clara. "Will you be alright to walk?" When Clara nodded and slid off the bed, Kate walked ahead to show the way to ICU where the Doctor was now recovering.

Kate smiled and stood by the doorway as Martha looked up and saw the three of them there, she smiled wryly and came out "His stats are good, everything else Is getting there, although…." Vastra shot Martha a dirty look and shook her head lightly but Clara had seen.

"Although what…. What aren't you telling me?" She said desperately letting go of Vastra's support and standing by herself.

"Clara, you must understand,…we can't know until he wakes up…."

"Know what…tell me…" Clara was getting desperate now, the tears once again spilling down her face.

"He had a knock to the head….worse then yours, there was a problem but its fixed now….the problem is, we're not sure how its effected him…He could have memory loss…."Martha tried to be kind and reassuring but Clara felt a whole lot worse

Panicking she pushed past them into the room and stood by his hospital bedside. The machines were beeping in steady rhythms, the covers drawn up to his chest as he lay there almost peacefully. She stood over him holding onto a hand that was covered in wires and held it close, Clara's eyes wandered over his body, from the metal brace she could see on his left leg partially under the covers, right up to his face. Cuts and bruises strewn across it but Clara couldn't help seeing the man she had falling in love with, the man she still loved with all she could.

"Please be ok ….please Doctor, I need you…please" Clara bent down to whisper lightly in his ear kissing his cheek softly and sat in the chair beside the bed. She wasn't aware that the Vastra, Kate and Martha had come back in the room and hovered at the end of the bed, as only had eyes for the Doctor at this moment in time. Clara wasn't even aware that as she stared at him, that her eyes grew heavier and heavier and she eventually drifted off to sleep.

"It's ok Sir… …you're in hospital… Sir please...we're trying to help you " Clara jolted awake to the sound of a nurse trying to calm a thrashing Doctor his eyes wide in panic as he tried to rip of the drips that were connected to him, low moans escaping from his lips as he tried to move, Clara stood up watching as they tried to hold him down and moved in between a nurse.

"Doctor…Doctor listen…its me….hey…everything's alright.." Clara held onto his hand only for him to snatch it away, she tried to ignore it passing it off as a sign he wasn't sure where he was. Though his green eyes relaxed as Kate came back through the doors, at some point during the time Clara had slept all three women had left to update the Doctor's other friends.

"Doctor…Doctor its Kate….you're ok…just relax.." Kate stood over his bed as the nurses moved back, his green eyes studied her face confused for a few moments before reaching out to hold her hand.

"Kate…..what…happened?" His voice came out like a small child's lost and afraid, only being reassured by Kate's presence there.

"You were in an accident…a hit and run, but you're fine now…both you and Clara are fine…" Kate smiled reassuringly gesturing for Clara to come back to the bed, but as the Doctor looked at Clara, she could tell something wasn't right, he wasn't staring at her like he usually did…He was staring at her like a stranger would, and then those two words rang out and Clara felt instantly sick.

"Whose Clara?"

Clara stumbled out through the doors throwing up onto the floor unable to help herself, Martha and Vastra were sat across from the ICU unit and rushed over to help her

"Clara…what's wrong…what is it…" Vastra's eyes were wide with concern looking up through the window to stare at the Doctor as he lay in bed talking to Kate.

"He…he doesn't know who I am….he doesn't remember me…"

Martha hugged her reassuringly whilst also being careful of her arm "We always knew that was going to be a possibility….I mean its not like its just you…"

"It is…he remembers all of you…Kate, Vastra…Jenny….Strax….everyone apart from me…"

"Its not just you that's he's having trouble with remembering Clara' Everyone turned as Kate came out an anxious look on her face 'He doesn't remember what happened to Amy and Rory….he keeps asking where they are"

Martha and Vastra's face fell and they looked at each other in horror "He can't go through that again…the last time nearly killed him…"Vastra said whilst Martha nodded in agreement.

"How far back can he remember …?" Martha queried to Kate who answered

"A week before their deaths….a whole year gone from his mind…but he can remember patched like getting a new job…a new car…"

Martha nodded thoughtfully " Tell everyone what's going on…nobody mention that Amy and Rory are dead… we might need Brian for this one , I think that we can get him to remember but we'll have to play the long game. It may take a while but certain things may help trigger everything that's happened to him in which case we all need to be there for him…'She paused to look at Clara 'Don't worry Clara,...we'll get him back for you."

Two weeks went by, and whilst the Doctor was recovering still, he still couldn't recall Clara, every time she went into the room he asked if she was his physiotherapist, the confusion and struggle clearly written on his face as she shook her head slowly and said she was a friend. He was starting to gain his memory of the Pond's death, he would wake in the middle of the night howling and crying until Kate or Brian would sit by his side and help him to remember. Help him back to sleep. Clara would never forget the day that she watched him remember it completely, he had screamed and howled, trying to escape his bed only to fall because of his strapped up leg. His eyes haunted out through his face and he refused to eat anything for three days, the Doctor tried to isolate himself by demanding no one allowed in to see him, arms wrapped tightly around himself, just sitting hollow eyed as he mourned the loss of his best friends all over again. As another week went by, he had remembered that he had had counselling and Brian had even brought Amy's things from his flat so that it would help him more. He even remembered his theory that it had been done on purpose as he read the letter Amy had left for him, but still no memory of Clara. She never gave up trying never left his side and tried to show him pictures of them together, and although each of them failed she never gave up. The weeks went on as Christmas passed, onto New Year and through to February. They had held Christmas in the Doctor's ward, each passing the presents round and the Doctor found himself laughing once again, though the memory of losing the Pond's again was still ripe in his mind. Kate had brought along the Doctor's present for Clara, who had remembered buying it, just not who for.. Clara's gift to him lay opened by the side, a fob watch with engraving inside, though he had smiled kindly and just left it by the side untouched. Meanwhile Clara treasured his present to her a small charm bracelet that held a leaf, two hearts entwined, a bowtie and a rose and crown. To symbolise everything that made the two of them work. Even as Clara wore it round her wrist two months later in February sat with The Doctor, he felt bad to the pretty brunette who was always here for him, though he couldn't even remember who she was.

"I'm sorry…..I just don't remember who you are…I want to…you seem really nice Clara…but I don't know who you are" He smiled lightly leaning back tired in his bed after one of his physic sessions to help his leg heal. He walked with a limp and a stick but he was assured it would heal in time.

"Its not your fault…whoever was driving that car….' She clenched both her hands, now that she had regained full movement of them both ' I'm sorry, I just assumed that what we had would be enough for you to ..remember."

The Doctor blinked surprised as if them being a couple was news to him "We can't have had anything…I'm with Rive…'He frowned and shook his head, an angry look passing over his face before he looked to her sympathetically 'No…sorry…that was the last one wasn't it…Hell in high heels who left me…..Are you Rose?"

Clara sighed shaking her head "No…I'm not Rose...it's Clara…just Clara…but we met at the Rose and Crown…"

"Ah…that's probably where I'm getting confused" He smiled lightly again studying her face, over the last two days it was like something in the back of his mind was telling him something about her…but it was like the rest of his mind was full of static interference and cancelled out that thought so he was left with nothing of what she meant to him. The Doctor sighed and reached into the draw by his beside pulling out the watch she had given him and studying it, Clara watched as he did so, noting him familiarise with it as he stare at her.

"You've never looked at it properly since I gave it to you" She whispered lightly, the Doctor gave her a surprised look and stared down at the watch that he had now opened

"Have I not….that was terribly rude of me….Sorry…" His eyebrows knitted together for a moment before he read the words that were engraved inside

_Run you Clever boy _

_And Remember _

"It's nice, I like that…..thanks Oswin "The Doctor smiled placing it pride of place on top of the draw as Clara sighed and leant back in the chair wrapping a blanket around herself, before closing her eyes to go to sleep.

"Its Oswald….just Oswald…"

"Oh…'The Doctor smiled awkwardly before he leant back to do the same, closing his eyes and nodding off quickly.

_The smell of smoke burned his throat coating his tongue and making him gag. The Doctor crinkled up his nostrils turning his head to the person by his side "Quickly, this way" Smoke closed in on them, as the flames threatened to trap them within that floor, the Doctor held onto his companions hand tightly as they ran up the numerous never ending flights of stairs._

_Smashing his way out, letting his eyes adjust to the strong sunlight that momentarily blinded the two of them, the pair gulped and swallowed as much fresh air as their lungs would allow them to. He looked back at his companion making sure she was alright, her eyes wide and terrified as he tried to reassure her._

_The Doctor moved away from the exit door peering over the edge of the building, spectators had grown at the bottom, along with a fire engine and crew. He shouted as loud as he could arms flailing above his head to attract their attention. The few faces he did recognise at the bottom pointed up at him as he turned around to the petite girl "We'll be fine I promise" She didn't respond but nodded, the Doctor moved around the rooftop looking for anything that could help them before a terrified gasp made him spin round. He noticed the male figure with dark cruel eyes, in his usual suit smiling triumphantly with his hand locked around the girl's neck, taking her backwards to the edge of the roof and letting them fall together. _

_The Doctor ran to the edge as the audience below screamed in horror, the Doctor unable to do anything as the pretty girl, looked up to him eyes wide in panic and brown hair billowing around her as she fell to her death with his arch enemy. He watched her fall screaming her name for the entire time, wishing the rescue party had been quicker, and watched as once again she was taken from him._

The Doctor jolted awake, sweat covering his brow palms clammy to the touch as his mind raced. He had had a similar dream to that before, he remembered now, his whole brain seemed to go into overload as everything rushed back at once, his girl…his impossible girl had died twice because he had failed to save him, he wouldn't let anything happen to her not now not when…He turned to look at her, finding that she was awake and staring at him with curious brown eyes, the same eyes that had haunted two of his dreams as she fell to her death.

"What is it?… " She asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

"I…I remember you"

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_**Author's notes: Even sorrier that one took longer to be uploaded please bear with me, I'm getting there, I didn't want the Doctor's amnesia to last for two long so hopefully it is spaced well enough, but the drama of the incident will indeed still be there. As well as his injury to his leg. Hope you liked the reference to the 8**__**th**__** doctor...losing his memory…also the fob watch from series 3.. Be back with the next chapter soon **_


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